Nintendo Wii Balance Board

Last week I gave you the best for 2007. This week I’ll give you the worst. It is easy to tell a good game. The best games have many of the same traits. Great visuals, quality game play, and lots of replay value. Bad games can be a bit harder to recognize. Often we get our hopes up all year for a game that turns out to be a complete failure. What is even more insidious are the games that will sell millions of copies, but are in fact exceptionally bad games. These are the games which I will list today. I have no doubt that these games have a huge fan base that will go out and buy their overpriced collectors editions and hold them long into the night. I do have a doubt that these games will provide any enjoyment for anyone who wants to play a quality game, and cares little the branding or franchise behind it.

So here is my bottom 5

5) Age of Conan – PC – Release date: October 2007
I’ll admit it. I love the Conan the Barbarian movies. I love them because they are pure mindless fun. I love them because they are absolutely ridiculous in nearly every way. I also love them because they star Arnold Schwarzenegger with a giant sword. These are very cool things for a movie. However, these do not make the background for a complete and deep world suitable of building an MMO around. Never have I watched a Conan movie and thought to myself, “I’d love to be in that world.” Why would I spend time (and a monthly fee) to play the part of an extra in a C movie? That doesn’t even begin to list the flaws with the games development. Yes, the game is very pretty. Unfortunately looks will only keep a player interested for the first day. It is pretty clear to anyone who has watched the MMO market develop that the promises being made for Conan are very similar to those made (and broken) by nearly every MMO out there. I’m talking about promises like: “Your character will develop through using skills,” “There will be PvP siege warfare” (don’t even get me started on this), “player made cities,” “Groundbreaking technology,” “combat system unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.” These are buzz words, and unless they release more than that the game will eventually fail.

4) Pokemon Battle Revolution – Nintendo Wii – Release date: TBA 2007
I wanna be the very best like no one ever was. To catch them is my real test. To train them is my cause. POKEMON! Yes, I know the song. What of it? I’ve never really seen the appeal behind Pokemon to begin with. It is designed for kids, yet countless 20somethings are out there picking up these games and playing them like they are quality epics. I also am not too sure what the ethical implications are of putting small creatures into little balls and containing them until we release them to fight other small creatures. I’m thinking we might want to start a “Free the Pikachu” fund or something. It’s just cruel. The Wii is a great system overall, but it is really lacking on the online content or content for the Nintendo Wii balance board. A game that focuses primarily on its online play, yet doesn’t provide any open forum to set up online matches just doesn’t excite my “buy this” gene. It has gotten a lot of press as the first pseudo-online game on the Wii, but once we start seeing real online content on the system we will all forget about Pokemon Battle Revolution.

3) Lord of the Rings Online- PC – Release Date: Mid 2007
At this point old J.R.R has rolled over in his grave so many times that he has worn a hole directly to the center of the earth. First the movies came out, and as an avid LoTR fan I was very excited about the prospect of seeing the world in my head butchered before me on the silver screen. The movies were then followed by the game on the first movie, then the game on the second movie,. Once all of the blood was drained out of the books themselves, developers began creating games that had nothing to do with anything in the books or the movies. First was an RPG based on a group of adventurers who were somehow following the fellowship (Gandalf was there too because people like him). Then came the strategy game, and the other strategy game, and finally the third strategy game. At this point it became clear that if it said “Lord of the Rings” it would get pushed through by EA as a top project. Just when we thought they couldn’t drill any more out of the LoTR world, they come out with an MMO. Lord of the Rings Online lets players spend hours doing things that will in the end be entirely meaningless because we all know exactly how the story ends. I have a new idea for a game: The Titanic Online. On the bright side, maybe after this game fails EA will stop making Lord of the Rings games every 25 minutes. Probably not.

2) Halo 3 – Xbox 360 – Release Date: Fall 2007
Don’t hurt me! I know there are hundreds of thousands of people who love Halo and can’t wait for Halo 3. I know that you won’t agree with me on this point, but I have to say that the Halo franchise has gone downhill ever since the first game. The first game was fun. I will agree to that. I’m sure I am not alone in feeling entirely unfulfilled after playing the 2nd game. Halo 2 lacked the flair, the replay value, and the enjoyment that the first one had. Perhaps the concept just got stale and they should have left the game where it was. I have no hopes of the third Halo being a good game by any standards except visuals. It will be a very pretty game, and it will sell a ton of copies. I just don’t think that three years down the line we will think of Halo 3 the same way we think of Halo 1 today.

1) Grand Theft Auto IV – PS3 – Release Date: October 17 2007
Once again, be gentle. I am not a fan of Grand Theft Auto. I have to begin with this because it heavily biased my decision to begin with. Don’t think that I dislike violence or think that the game is corrupting children or anything, because I enjoy mindless violence in video games as much as the next American. The true reason I don’t like Grand Theft Auto is that it is a game without focus. It tries to give you a world that you can play in without any restrictions. To use a sports example: how fun would basketball be if there were no lines on the court and no real goal? It may be fun for a short time to gun down innocent bystanders, but that fun eventually wares off and a desire for a game with structure surfaces. Another major problem that I see with the series is that it is another example of making far too many versions of a one trick pony idea. We get it already: steal cars, run from police, and make profit. Is the appeal of the new one, “Now you can steal cars in High Def”? No thanks.

Am I wrong? Are there games out there that will be even worse?

Kris